these haiku, it's true

are dreaded for a reason

but they're funny too

 

found at the thrift store

paperback first edition

Kindle for Dummies

 

springtime, frogs and birds

are chirping and squirrels are

raiding the dumpster

 

should not have asked the

missionary about his

position on sex

 

neon pink woman

clothes and hair, so mad at the

bee following her

 

no one wants to hit

the Trump piñata, he is

not full of candy...

 

avoid all the Darts

Dodge all the Rams and watch out

for Escaping Fords

 

Hillary or Trump

Bernie Sanders is spinning

in his swivel chair

 

in Rio the gold

goes to antibiotic

resistant disease

 

Rio Olympics

water hazards for rowers

include boils and sores

 

the krill versus seal

diet debate next on the

ask orca podcast

 

how computers work:

ex V P dances, you know,

an Al Gore rhythm

 

'faith' is often a

euphemism for 'oh God!

These people are nuts!'

 

soggy leaves abound

as I play mind games with squirrels

right now it’s a tie

 

wasn’t really moved

at the tearful reunion

of onion farmers

 

so close to having

a good Icarus poem but

again… crash and burn

 

majority rules

majority of people

are just plain stupid

 

big fat hairy fly

circling kingdoms of air

compound and surreal

 

it takes seventeen

muscles to smile, somewhere here

there is a haiku

 

seventeen muscles

to smile, but Michael frowns, says

its not a haiku :(

 

fact-checking is a

survival trait in this mis-

information age

 

loan officer's new

hotel job, he specialized

in turn down service

 

why did Fred Flintstone

go to the podiatrist?

his car had a flat

 

a fork in the road

can lead to many options

or just a flat tire

 

the road diverges

construction must be done, they

stuck a fork in it

 

false advertising

in the chicken pot pie there's

no marijuana

 

he had an idea

his friends knew him and thought it

must be a tumor

 

Bill tripped and slid down

a hill, his ass was greener

on the other side

 

don’t waste your vote on

someone competent, vote for

someone who’s running

 

the astrologer

was right until Pluto stopped

being a planet

 

Pluto demoted

suddenly my horoscope

is more accurate

 

its not surprising

the calendar maker’s end

his days were numbered

 

the dent wizard truck

for paintless dent removal

has a dent in it

 

I once had a job

ballet parking, the tutu

was embarrassing

 

the tedium was

great, but now I can say I

am bored certified

 

a new study says

testosterone inhibits

the brain’s work good… ness

 

so far the score is

Godzilla fifteen hundred

Tokyo zero

 

when the meter maid

had a yard sale, an inchworm

tripped over her foot

 

second opinion

the cyst will cease and desist

doctor law insists

 

Starbucks merged with Ace

Hardware, they started serving

screwdrivers at noon

 

train graffiti says:

stop making stupid people,

use a damn condom!